Time Wasted on Time

Friday April 25, 2008
I am so overwhelmed in sadness. It's a rabbit hole of useless pain to imagine all the calls I could have made, trips we could have gone on, the words of appreciation, respect and admiration I never shared. I loved my brother Dan so much. And I miss him terribly.


Together at the Golden Gate Bridge, April 6th 2008

Is it the altitude here in Crested Butte? Sheer exhaustion from the emotional pressure cooker of a hatchback on the 3000 miles home? The growing understanding of how love for each other is the only purpose worth pursuing from this point on? {I'm nervous this post may be getting too personal, too strange....?}

We had a great day, distracted from the memories and circumstances to find ourselves in such an amazing place.


Lucille's cabin on Cement Creek, Gunnison County Colorado


This afternoon looking back at Crested Butte mountain

Aunt Lucille (Peter's sister) is such a positive force in my life.


Lucille with some of her own art at her print gallery on Elk Street in Crested Butte

Dan visited her last August here in Crested Butte for a week. He was a man of the mountains, whitewater, snowy slopes. He was a Man of so much: great achievements supported by great humility and great kindness. So talented and also cursed. He was driven because of a void, conceptual in one sense but primarily biochemical in another.

Peter and Lucille have been getting along very well. It hasn't always been that way. My Father is the city mouse and my Aunt the country mouse in many ways. To see them bonding, appreciating each other, forgiving and moving on from a dysfunctional past is healing wounds in me that are so deep.


The Lucas' discussing their common profession of Print Art in Lucille's gallery this afternoon


Peter and Lucille on a hike past Peanut Lake in the shadow of Crested Butte mountain

I'm retreating into the music playing through my computer. It's my friend John Shannon's album "American Mystic". He aims to create Sound Healing music and right now it is doing just that for me.

Among the Sea, Among the Stars
JOHN SHANNON
Wrap me in the light, the sound of the Sun.
Fall calling tonight, I go till I'm gone.
I know things aren't the same, they said its the End but its not.
Tonight a light like the dawn reaching and calling You on;
You see, You breathe like the ghost, the ghost that I'm following there.
We dream among the sea, among the stars.

Time wasted on time.
The light goes around.
Strange days that occur, the shifting in the ground.
I know things aren't the same, they said its the End but its not.
Tonight a light like the dawn reaching and calling you on;
You see, You breathe like the ghost, the ghost that I'm following there.
We dream among the sea, among the stars.

Whew, I feel better now! Thank you for allowing me this audience, anonymous yet full of so much love projected out towards me and my parents. I love you all.